


ORANGE SODA

by CHINA DOLL (thesstarboy)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Flirting, Bad Jokes, Bad Parenting, Depression, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I am touch deprived if you were wondering, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Short, Short Story, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Yes I am in love with trauma and angst, anonymous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29506689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesstarboy/pseuds/CHINA%20DOLL
Summary: "Messy, you myOrange Soda shorty."[BLACK!READER]A girl, who's obsessed with anything related to oranges, dreams of a boy with citrus-tasting lips. Shortly after, she became determined to materialize her dreams into a reality and approach the boy. However, the boy in question has been battling an internal demon for quite some time, nearly giving up on the things he loved most. Being the observant person she was, the Orange Shorty decides against directly approaching the boy and opts to dispatch a series of gifts in hopes of drawing him towards her.And, hopefully, guide him away from his demons at the same time.A 'crush soda' she calls him."OOUU SHIT, I WANT A SIP OF HIS SODA.""PLEASE, (Y/N), YOU'RE SCARING THE HOES."
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou & Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou & black reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/You, kuroo tetsurou/black reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	1. BLOOD ORANGE

**Author's Note:**

> A girl dreams of a boy who  
> tastes just like her favorite fruit.  
> She becomes determined  
> to draw him away from the  
> demons that lurk under  
> his bed.  
> After all, he was her 'crush'.
> 
> [BLACK!READER]
> 
> TW: cursing, slight sexual themes, depression, suicidal thoughts, a lot of angst, lurking demons, and mentions of toxic parents. I apologize for any mistakes I’ve made! I hope you enjoy!

"MY GIRL DON'T WANT ME  
CAUSE' OF MY DIRTY LAUNDRY." 

— BLACKBEAR.

The previous luminescent orange view was suddenly replaced with the darkness of eyelids folding over iridescent (E/C) eyes. The unforeseen action was sourced from the blossoming sensation of soft, glossy flesh connecting to a pair of pinkish-brown lips. Traditionally, she knew to always close her eyes throughout a make-out session. However, she never understood why; she just did. 

Her bumpy, slicked tongue reached out from the confinements of her plump lips and met with another slicked tongue, persistent in marking her as 'taken'. 

The feeling—the sensation of human lips on her own with romantic flames tied in the equation was a sensation she never experienced nor encountered within in her 18 years of living. She neither craved nor rejected love, for she felt what love was like from her dear friends and family in life. She simply desired to live and experience the world.

This feeling—this passion, however, opened her eyes to a sensitivity she's never touched into. A sensitivity she was missing out on. A sensitivity she wanted a bigger taste of. 

The main takeaway from the brand new tingle bestowed upon her was the taste of her favorite, sweet, acidic fruit and a certain head of black, messy hair with blood-shot eyes adorning blood-orange tears gushing down their cheeks. 

Her tanned hand met with a moistened cheek, swiping the oddly colored tears away and adorning a mellow smile on her face. 

Her (E/C) eyes momentarily linked with multiple sinister shadows looming behind the boy, displaying smiles crammed with sadistic intentions and bloodlust. The girl, unfazed by the silhouettes, hurled glares right back that held much more wickedness than theirs, threatening to erase their entire existence if they so much as touched the boy. 

Scattering with their pointed tails tucked between their legs, the girl looked back up at the crying boy, taking notice of his tears shifting from that godawful bloody orange color to a clear, transparent liquid. 

"It's okay, baby. I got you," she whispered, conscious of her spirit slipping away and being greeted with the harsh sun rays of mid-mornings. 

(Y/N) was back to square one.

This time, though, she woke up with a brand new objective in mind, being the first time she embraced a fresh, original perspective since she was a young seedling.

...

"I have to. I don't care how many fangirls he has, my dreams give me better pointers than our own mother!" 

"You're going to end up heartbroken in the end trying to 'heal' a fractured man with hoes," (Y/N)'s older sister stated, cutting up pieces of fruit and placing them in a pyrex container. 

The young woman was an excellent dream interpreter, passing down her intuitive gifts to her younger sister. (Y/N) never had trouble when it came to her intuition and her dreams, for her observations at a young age awarded her with the same traits her older sister held. However, the girl was a bit naive, but you couldn't blame her. She lived a decent life and was provided everything she needed, so of course (Y/N) had a more positive outlook on the world than her older counterparts. 

The older sister, however, has seen and tasted the harshness of this world, so she continued to warn (Y/N) to be cautious in every intuitive vision she received, for it could mean something completely different than what she wanted it to mean. 

The older sister, finally slicing the last bit of fruit, slid the pyrex container over to (Y/N) and washed the knife, snatching her keys from atop the fridge to take her little sister to school. 

"You're projecting, (S/N)," (Y/N) pointed out, grabbing a blood orange from the counter and looking at it in curiosity, briefly reminded of her dream.

"I ain't neva' lied, though." 

"Yes, you have. You're lying as we speak. You're a literal pathological liar."

"And what about it? Hurry up before I make you walk to school, roach!" 

(Y/N) never ran so fast in her life, keen on avoiding that creepy old man down the street who she was almost certain liked little children.

"It's not even about his...shadow...really. It's about finding some damn romance in my pathetic love life!" (Y/N) complained, hopping in the passenger's seat of the family's average car.

"Your love life is pathetic because you're indecisive on what you like." 

"I'll take anything, at this point."

"Careful, the creepy old man could hear you say that one day and decide it's his time to shine," (S/N) howled like a hyena at the embarrassing conclusion that (Y/N) came to on a random Tuesday. 

"I can see it in his eyes! He likes little children!! I know it!!" 

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, how do you plan on approaching the boy? Or are you gonna wing it like you do with everything in life despite your crushing anxiety yelling at you?"

"Okay, first of all, what the hell are you so loud for? Second of all, you know well that I'm winging this entire thing."

"You're a lost cause."

...

The boy from (Y/N)'s dream was a very recognizable figure at her school. You couldn't walk two steps without a schoolgirl admitting their attraction for the volleyball captain, talking about him all throughout his games. For most, it'd discourage them from bothering with their crush. On the contrary, it made (Y/N) even more determined to experience that feeling she was gifted the night before. 

At this point, it's only been a couple of hours since she had that dream, so she was wobbling back and forth between 'I love this boy' and 'I just want to have some romance'. Nonetheless, she'd never come to a conclusion by the time the bell rung, signaling dismissal from their first class. 

Packing up the materials she had sprawled out on her desk, (Y/N)'s ears caught a barely audible conversation taking place two seats behind her. Being the nosy kid she was, she took her precious time with stuffing each individual pencil and pen in her backpack, listening in on the school gossip that acted as music to her ears.

"Did you see Kuroo-san today?" 

"No, why? Did he get taller?!"

"No, actually, he's in a really bad mood. He popped off at one of the girls trying to confess to him. Poor Suki-chan..." 

"Oh, what's his issue?"

"That's the thing: nobody knows. Not even the team knows why their captain has been so snappy lately. Maybe he got rejected?" 

"Possibly. Well, I'm not chasing after a boy who needs healing." 

"Me either. Kudos to whoever attempts, though." 

(Y/N) eyes lit up with sudden buzz of determination and thrill, placing the last notebook in her backpack and withdrawing herself from the close-to-empty classroom. A tingling sensation ripped at the tip of her fingers as she walked throughout the hallways, gliding her body past the slower students. She giddily tapped her fingers together in pure excitement; she usually didn't know what to do with her hands when surges of good spirits flowed through her like this. 

'So, walking up to him is a bad idea. That won't stop me! In fact...I think he could use something to cheer him up...' 

(Y/N) entered the doors to her next class, glancing over at a boy she became decently acquainted with. They were, by no means, close, but they did help each other out a couple of times when the material was too difficult to understand. 

She sat down in her usual seat and brought out an orange colored pen with a piece of paper, catching quick glimpses of the boy seated next to her. The girl was committed to her plans not being interrupted nor found out, so she kept to herself the entire period instead of inciting her usual 'hello, pretty boy!' in case he tries to look over at her desk. (Y/N) naturally knew Kenma as the type that will absolutely ignore you if you don't try your best to strike up conversation, so she didn't even spare him a smile and continued writing words down on a blank piece of paper. 

She did, however, keep checking to make sure nobody was looking over her desk, for she had friends in the class that couldn't keep a secret even if their lives depended on it. 

...

"Out of bounds! You need to keep the ball inside your range and focus on its trajectory, don't spike it just because!" 

"Too damn slow! What is this, a snail race?!"

"That was an easy receive! You wanna go to Nationals with that type of skill?!" 

"God, I need a fucking chiropractor after carrying this practice!"

Exasperation mixed in with an ocean of sweat radiated off of every teammate in the gymnasium. It would nearly be two weeks since the captain's sudden change in attitude, spawning the slow-building irritation stomaching every student forced to have conversation with the boy. 

The team has become increasingly exhausted in both their mental state and their physical state. Kuroo was fervent on working the players until their wheels broke, ending in sore bodies and sore spirits by the end of each practice. For nearly two weeks, the whole team became irritable thanks to whatever Kuroo had going on inside his mental. The abuse became so detrimental to the point their coach had to step in, giving the boys the remainder of the week off in order to rest and properly build their muscles. 

"Now, go home and eat some protein! We've got an important game tomorrow!" he shouted, dismissing the players to do their own thing.

The team retreated to their locker rooms, emitting a soundless, fatigued atmosphere, feigning some sort of happiness within the skills they've accomplished since the harsh training began. Though, feeling successful was far from the truth about their mental state. 

Especially for Kuroo. 

After the draining practice, he and Kenma strolled to their school lockers together. Kuroo couldn't stand to be around anyone else except for his bestfriend, pushing away every other person in his life at every chance he could get. Deep down, he knew the reason why he continued to isolate himself from the people in his life, though, he was too frightened by the reason to say it out loud. 

He was too frightened that if he were to admit the type of thoughts he's been harboring, the demons looming over his shoulder will take that as a chance to steal his soul away from him in the middle of a sleepless night. 

The boy couldn't bear, however, separating himself from his bestfriend. 

"Dude, you need to chill on the team," Kenma mumbled, replacing his school shoes with his walking shoes. 

"I know, I know..."

"You keep projecting and driving them away. I'm sure we're all at a breaking point by now."

"I know, damnit! I know!" 

Kenma stared at his friend with deep, intrusive eyes, almost catching the thin silhouette standing behind him. 

"You know we'd gladly help with whatever's going on. You just have to open up." 

"I'm the captain, I have to stay strong for this team. If I'm weak, then that doesn't do the rest of us much good!" 

Kenma scoffed. 

"Just say you're afraid of those thoughts you have. It's much easier to help when you're being truthful." 

"I'm not afraid of them!!" Kuroo slammed his backpack onto the locker, powerless to the unanticipated surge of anger gushing through his body. 

Kenma, seemingly unfazed by the outburst, threw his school shoes inside the compartment and secured the lock once again.

"Well, when you're ready, come speak to us. I'll wait as long as needed," Kenma stated as he walked off, not caring if the boy decided to follow him home or take a different train to avoid human interaction. 

Kuroo watched his friend walk off, eyes drooping once he moved his sight back to his locker he has yet to open. 

At times, he swears to the clouds above that he can distinguish the physical shape of said demons at night, especially when he was forced to cut up the vegetables for dinner. Every cut, every chop, every slice he made, he could feel the hot, rotten breath of something sinister leaning over his shoulder, whispering proposals he never had the balls to act out. 

Today, though, he turned his head to meet with the same wicked smile he frequently saw and eventually came to terms with. The shaking in his hands has since ceased, opening his ears up to make sense of whatever it desired to tell him. 

Unexpectedly coming to his senses, Kuroo turned his head back towards the locker and opened the compartment, planning to switch out his school shoes for his usual pair of sneakers. 

"I left it unlocked," he mumbled, beating himself over his newfound forgetfulness bestowed upon him by his mental demons. 

After removing his personal shoes, the boy quickly took notice of the small object sitting at the back of his locker, unable to recall him placing anything other than his shoes in the locker. His hand reached towards the back, grabbing ahold of the object and bringing it back out so he could take a proper look at it. 

He briefly noticed it wasn't just one object, but three. The first item he noticed was an orange-colored envelope, probably holding something cheesy, like a love letter. He rolled his eyes and, if it weren't for the other items, he would've trashed the letter without hesitation. 

Adorning the letter was a cute orange sticker that gained a silent snicker out of him, taking a look at the other gifts left in his locker. The second item he took notice of was a ziplock bag holding a blood orange cut in half, decorated with sprinkles of sugar on top and another packet of Sweet 'N' Low incase the sugar placed on top wasn't sweet enough for him. The third and final item that gained his attention was a glass bottle of orange soda; he checked to see that it wasn't already opened. 

You'd be surprised by the amount of fangirls obsessed with him consuming their fluids. The thought made a shiver run down his spine, so he directed his attention back to the bundle of orange-themed gifts. 

The boy cautiously peeled the orange sticker off the letter, wanting to preserve the gift that somebody clearly put a bit of time into. It was different than the usual presents he'd receive, such as cookies or homemade bentos. He wasn't ever given fruit before, which, believe it or not, he thoroughly enjoyed much more than any other food you could give him, except for mackerel pike. 

Upon opening the envelope, he was greeted with the sweet, acidic scent of a citrus fruit, which was most likely oranges judging by the orange theme his sender was going for. Getting straight to the point, he unfolded the paper and started reading the message, keen on finding a name or a reason for their doing. 

DEAR KUROO-SAN, HI. 

I SEE YOU LOOK A BIT DOWN,  
SO I GOT YOU SOMETHING.  
PLEASE REMEMBER THAT  
THOSE DEMONS CAN AND  
WILL BE DEFEATED. YOU JUST  
NEED A BIT OF ENCOURAGING.  
I KNOW HUMAN CONTACT IS  
PROBABLY NOT PREFERRED,  
SO I'LL SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I'M  
ROOTING FOR YOU FROM AFAR. 

YOUR FOLKS LOVE YOU.  
AND SO DO I.  
YOU'RE MY CRUSH SODA. 

— LOVE, OJ

"I WANNA TELL YOU  
EVERYTHING IM HIDING,  
I CAN'T LIE NO MORE."

— BLACKBEAR.


	2. MANDARIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes made!

"AND I BEEN SEEING SHIT  
LIKE HORROR CUTS. IT'S  
BURNING DOWN, I GOTTA  
DROWN THIS OUT." 

— EDEN. | GRAVITY

He saw it. 

Before, it'd only been quick glances towards the edge of his bed at night, eyes catching a barely visibly shadow looming over his shoulder before it disappeared. The paranoia used to eat him alive, gnawing at every cell in his body that activated his fight or flight response. Despite that, he never found the courage to run or fight it, which is why it kept returning. He laid awake, pondering whether the thing was his imagination running wild or the real deal. Sleepless nights like those were the worst; he was entirely too frightened of what'd happen as soon as he closed his eyes. Who knew what that demon would try if he allowed himself to be vulnerable?

Tonight, however, was different, reason being Kuroo having a full on staring contest with whatever sadistic fuck stood before him. 

His bored, exhausted eyes couldn't care or less about the menacing, wicked grin with razor sharp teeth, just waiting to bite into him like a hot pocket. He observed the two gaping holes that acted as eyeballs, seemingly a bottomless pit where only melancholy and misery reside. The thing that stood in front of him thrived off detrimental emotions; it probably couldn't live without the hatred humanity held for both themselves and the surrounding people. 

Kuroo was unable to count how long their staring contest lasted. It wasn't until he blinked did the demon disappear, relaxing his mental a bit.

The boy glanced over to his nightstand, catching sight of the gifts he decided against trashing. If he looked close enough, he could see a thin layer of aura radiating off the objects, emitting a strong wave of melatonin that'd allow him to finally get some shut eye. 

"Fuck, I'm really started to see stuff, huh...?" he whispered to himself, falling victim to the surge of drowsiness entering his body. 

It's been a while since he slept that good. 

...

"Kuroo! Something's sitting for you on your desk!" a boy named Yaku called to the captain as soon as he stepped inside his homeroom. 

Kuroo rose his eyebrow at his peer and walked over to his desk, detecting another orange envelope, this time adorned in little doodles of stick figures playing volleyball. The envelope was paired with another glass bottle of orange soda and a mandarin, plonking a small smile on the boy's face. It was the first time in two weeks since Yaku's seen a genuine smile on Kuroo's face, making him burst into rays of sunshine. 

"Who's the girl?" Yaku asked, calmly enough so it doesn't make Kuroo feel suffocated, but excited enough so the captain could shift into a happier mood. 

"Ah, I have no idea, actually...is it even a girl?" he mumbled to himself, unknowingly rushing to open the envelope and see what 'OJ' desired to communicate to him. 

He appreciated the distance the sender wanted to give him; it was the most considerate thing a person with a crush on him has done. The distance allowed him to be left with his own thoughts and nobody else striving to shove themselves down his throat. He personally didn't mind the gender of the sender, but he couldn't lie that he didn't yearn to know who 'OJ' was exactly. It was clear the person had some sort of infatuation with oranges, but he found it cute that such an interesting persona took interest in him. 

Yaku nodded towards the captain, understanding the boy probably wanted his peace and a good mindset. After all, today was game day. 

DEAR KUROO-SAN,

SORRY, I KNOW PUTTING THE  
ITEMS IN YOUR LOCKER WAS  
CREEPY AS FUCK. I WAS JUST  
TOO LATE TO SET IT ON YOUR  
DESK. ALSO, PLEASE REMEMBER  
TO LOCK IT! DRINK PLENTY OF  
WATER! I HOPE YOU HAVE A  
GOOD DAY TODAY AND A GOOD  
GAME. I ALREADY KNOW YOU'LL  
WIN IT, NO MATTER WHAT.   
YOU'RE THE FUCKING GREATEST,  
THE GOAT, PERIOD.

— LOVE, OJ

A cheesy smile made it's way to Kuroo's face as he clutched onto the envelope, sensing an invisible weight being lifted off of his shoulders and his mental. 

It was one of the sweetest gestures that a person with a crush on him made towards him. The little 'period' at the end boosted his mood more than it should have, leaving a sparkle in his eyes that stated, 'I can do this!' Energy coursed throughout his veins and he could genuinely feel the motivation to not only complete his schoolwork, but to live as well. 

...

"Oouu shit, I want a sip of his soda." 

"Please, (Y/N), you're scaring the hoes." 

"What?! He's a fine man! I need that!" (Y/N) ranted to a friend of hers, sneaking glances at the boy who sat across the cafeteria. 

The girl made sure they couldn't see her glances from where she sat, so she was free to stare all she wanted. 

"Look at that back. Ah, man, I'm gonna have to fight to the death over this boy, huh?" she glanced over to her friend who gracefully took out another bento she fixed up for the orange-loving maniac. 

"Why don't you walk up to him and give him this?" the friend asked, waving the bento around. 

"It's too basic! I wanna do something original for him, not steal homemade meals from my friend. Plus, he's going through a rough time, so I gotta calculate my every step instead of jumping right into things."

"Wow, (Y/N) calculating things in her life? I never thought I'd see the day." 

"Whore."

"At least I don't have the potential to be on My Strange Addiction. You need help."

"Suck my balls, Liris-chan."

"Why do you never drop the honorific? I told you that you could already!"

(Y/N) shrugged before she dug into the bento, eating as unattractively as possible in order to enjoy the delicious meal awarded to her for being such a good friend. 

"I don't know, I got used to it. I'll drop Kuroo-san's in a heartbeat if he asks me, though." 

"I wish you weren't so hopeless sometimes."

...

A head of curly hair sprinted and raced throughout the school hallways, drifting at every turn and sliding down every flight of stairs that crossed her path. Small huffs of exhaustion left the poor girl's mouth whilst her mind ran wild, keen on delivering the gifts before Kuroo stepped outside of the school. 

She could see it in his face. 

They were eating him up. 

The tiniest mistake set off a whirlwind of stress and despair in Kuroo's eyes, who attempted to smirk it off and continue the game. He played beautifully despite how he felt internally, snatching the attention of every spectator in the building with his stunning form and violent spikes. Nobody looked past the sudden surge of confidence and attentiveness he held, greatly contrasting his attitude from the past few days. Even his fangirls forgave him in a heartbeat, which sprouted an adorable smile on (Y/N)'s face. 

However, as soon as (Y/N)'s eyes met Kuroo's, she could tell he felt pathetic on the inside, like an ant plonked on an undeserving throne. Every bit of confidence he put on display was a mere facade acting as a morale booster for the entire school. The team won, of course, but the little mistakes Kuroo made worked as a morale booster for the demons still lurking over his soul. 

(Y/N) detected this and immediately took out the gift she planned to give him the next day, running throughout the school hallways and staircases to access the soda vending machine. She went through leaps and bounds to race back to the entrance, determined on delivering the gifts before he had the chance to be left alone for the rest of the night. 

However, she had to be quick, or else she'd get found out and her plans would all go to waste. 

Finally drifting around the last corner, (Y/N) was ecstatic to know that Kuroo and Kenma haven't arrived to their lockers yet. She bolted towards the locker displaying his name atop and jerked it open, nowhere near surprised at the fact he forgot to lock it again. Despite that, she was grateful for his forgetfulness, so now she could prevent the boy from seething in his own despair once his bedroom doors closed in on him. 

She stuffed the gifts inside very carefully until she heard scuffs of shoes dragging against polished floors, recognizing the pair's height dynamic almost immediately. The girl, expeditiously, slammed the locker with a racketing clash, earning the attention of Kenma and Kuroo who curiously examined the running figure in the distance. 

Kuroo's face lifted in shock as soon as he noticed it was his locker that was slammed, jerking it open and connecting his eyes with the familiar, habitual orange-themed gifts. 

"Hey, wait!!" Kuroo sprinted outside the entrance gates, not giving a damn if his school shoes tripped him up or got soiled in the process. 

(Y/N) was a speedy motherfucker when she wanted to be, dashing out of sight before Kuroo could even assess what she looked like, nonetheless what gender she was.

He was determined to find out who 'OJ' was, but (Y/N) was even more determined to make sure she didn't die from embarrassment. She'd go through high-scaling lengths to protect herself from awkward situations, even if it meant breaking the record for the world's fastest hopeless romantic. 

Kuroo didn't get far from the school before the figure disappeared, causing him to groan and jog back to the school so he could change his shoes. The boy almost forgot about his gifts when he was given the chance to meet 'OJ', disregarding everything around him in order to satisfy his ever-growing curiosity that swelled each day. 

Kenma sat at the lockers, occupying himself with his PSP whilst the captain took his precious time in chasing an orange-addict, only looking back up when Kuroo opened his locker. 

"Did you see who they were?" he asked nonchalantly, not necessarily caring about the answer he received. 

"No...! I couldn't even tell their gender by the school uniform!" Kuroo ran his hands through his bedhead, massaging his scalp in an attempt to remove the building stress. 

'So close...so damn close! Are they that keen on giving me space...?'

He eventually settled for not knowing, because he had a feeling the truth would be revealed in the approaching future. After all, the only thing he had to go off was an estimated height of (H/N). Deciding to simply look through the gifts, he took notice of an extra gift that stood out from the regular 3-piece formula he'd been accustomed to. 

The presents consisted of an orange envelope, a single mandarin, a glass bottle of orange soda, and a little container of orange-flavored jello. 

A thrilling smile made its way to his face when a hefty laugh flew from his mouth, coming to the conclusion that he was starting to fall in love with an orange-fanatic. The shadowy figure standing behind him dematerialized from view with a deep scowl on its face, pledging that it'll do everything in its power to keep itself alive. 

The boy didn't care about the demon's empty promises, for, in this moment, he felt a splutter of gushiness spread throughout his body, starting at the heart and ending at his fingertips. 

DEAR KUROO-SAN,

YOU PLAYED BEAUTIFULLY!  
I COULDN'T BELIEVE THE WAY  
YOU SAVED THE DAY WITH  
YOUR CATLIKE OBSERVATION  
SKILLS. YOU'RE SO AMAZING AT  
WHAT YOU DO, NO MATTER  
WHAT SLIP UP YOU THINK  
RUINED THE PLAY. YOU GAVE  
YOUR ALL, AND YOU LOOKED  
GOOD DOING IT, TOO ;)))))).  
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, BOTH  
INSIDE AND OUT, NO MATTER  
WHAT'S HAUNTING OVER YOU.  
KEEP IT UP, MY CRUSH SODA.  
I'M ALWAYS ROOTING FOR YOU.

— LOVE, OJ

He felt a sweetness like no other.

So, he closed his locker, not even bothering to fiddle with the lock, willing to risk getting his shoes stolen in order to feel this way again.   
He wanted to feel this sweetness again.   
And again. And again. And again. 

And again. 

"I'LL BE RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR  
FRONT DOOR ON MY 12 SPEED.  
I GOT YOUR EMOTIONS TATTOOED  
ON MY SLEEVE. I THINK ABOUT   
YOU ALL THE TIME, I'VE WAITED  
FOR YOU ALL MY LIFE, I NEED   
YOU RIGHT HERE BY MY SIDE."


	3. CLEMENTINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes!

"I'M FRIENDS WITH THE   
MONSTER THATS UNDER MY  
BED. GET ALONG WITH THE  
VOICES INSIDE OF MY HEAD.   
YOU TRYING TO SAVE ME,   
STOP HOLDING YOUR BREATH.  
AND YOU THINK I'M CRAZY."

— RIHANNA. | MONSTER

_________________________

Usually, it's very difficult for teens to pinpoint exactly where their illnesses came from and when they started taking shape. Some discover them through brain tests and studying their family genes and/or chromosomes. Others discover them through trauma they can't seem to remember through their mind, but their physical body. It was a very touchy subject, and, thanks to growing ethics in the scientific research world, it was almost impossible to make a complete case or a 100% scientific fact. It was already difficult enough getting a diagnosis with parents who refused to believe you, so most teenagers compressed their fears and dealt with whatever vicious, bloody war took place in their nightmares. 

A duel that guaranteed absolute death—demons versus vulnerable teenagers. To live, or to die? To suffer, or to suicide? 

Which side do you think won millions of times over? 

Kuroo, contrary to many teens his age, can pinpoint exactly when and where the demons started infiltrating his safe space. His interest in science peaked thanks to a study of mental illnesses he did way back when, not suspecting that he'd end up with the same illness, especially since he had such a vast understanding of the chemicals involved. 

Memorized words in a textbook meant nothing compared to the real-life visual of death himself looming over the edge of your bed, carrying prophecies and promises if you listened to what the shadow man had to say. 

Kuroo grew up hearing the myth of the shadow man—a silhouette that murdered human beings but left the owner of the bed it slept under alive. Being the science enthusiast Kuroo was, he believed not one word of the myth, for the space under his bed wasn't even wide enough for a cat to fit under. 

It was the day he arose in the middle of the night, three weeks ago, did he finally believe in the 'myth'. The boy was paralyzed at the sight of a shadow crawling from underneath his bed, taking stance at the edge of his bed with a sinister smile adorning it's face. 

Every night since then, it's been edging closer and closer to the boy, until it stared him down right next to his face 'till you could feel the piping, acidic breath of a savage beast. He could only visibly identify flickers of the shadow, never being able to catch a full glance until just last night.

He concluded the myth wasn't entirely true. 

The demon wouldn't grab at his throat and end his existence right there; it didn't even so much as touch the boy. It didn't take long to figure out that the demon couldn't apply direct pressure, soothing Kuroo's nerves, at most, slightly. 

Kuroo, even now, unwillingly declined tranquility on the account of the shadow promising your own death, keeping its hands clean of innocent, vulnerable blood. Since it couldn't physically touch you, it would do everything in its power to make your life a living hell to the point you believe it wasn't worth enduring anymore. 

Death doesn't discriminate. 

The shadow man does. 

He takes only the insecure, the timid, the vulnerable, and the weak with him down the drain of deathless agony. 

"Tetsu, we're leaving for a bit! Make sure you lock the doors and don't answer it for anybody you don't know!" 

A beautiful mother and a dashing father waved to a young boy sitting at the dining table, slurping up the last bit of their homemade soup. Grasped in his hand was a trembling spoon, quivering to a greater extent as the thought of being alone sunk in. 

"Do you have to go?" he asked timidly, getting up from the dining table and tugging on his mother's body-con dress. 

His doe-like eyes looked up to the towering figure of his mother, silently begging her to not leave him in solitary. 

"It's okay, Tetsu. We'll be right back, okay?"

He wouldn't say it out loud, for he knew his father would throw a fit at the thought of his precious son being any less than perfect and manly. He wouldn't dare to go to anyone else but his mother, who looked at him with sympathetic eyes and a loving smile. However, he couldn't muster up the courage to tell her about his abandonment issues ever since they moved into the new house. 

He hated the feeling of anxiousness and tension splurging throughout his body every time he was forced to be alone, both at school and at home. Nothing around him felt even remotely familiar; he was stuck in a constant battle of forcing himself to be cozy with the unforgiving world around him. Shivers and spikes ran up his back every time a person wasn't within a 30 feet radius of him. 

His mother hugged his small body and told him he'll be okay, grabbing onto his father and leaving the house. She said to call her if anything transpired and they'll drive straight home. 

He never called them. 

Sometimes, he wonders: what would've happened if he called them the moment he felt something was off? 

He'd never know, the reason being him staring down a random silhouette standing dead center in the middle of his living room. 

Kuroo couldn't even make out what the thing was, all he could do was stand in place out of fear that if he'd move a single muscle, his neck would snap in half faster than he could cry, "help!"

Maybe it was for the best that his parents never saw what happened that night. 

He became comfortable with the figure, hypnotized by the fact that his eyes were seeing something he's never witnessed in his entire life. It comes to a certain age where you believe you've seen it all; you truly believe there's nothing else in the world you haven't seen. 

Kuroo's case, however, proved that no matter how much material you study, no matter how many books you've read, no matter how many videos you've watched, and no matter how many experiences you've been through...

There's always one more thing waiting for you, like a jack-in-the-box itching for its crank to be winded the same as a sadistic lover on the dance floor. 

The shadow man promised him a manifesto—a life of never-ending existence—right before his parents walked through the front door. 

Ever since that night, Kuroo has never been seen in solitary, clinging onto any person, even strangers (especially Kenma), to prevent that manifesto from materializing. And, it wasn't until three weeks ago did he realize he couldn't keep running from his inevitable fate. The 'flight' in fight or flight wasn't an option anymore. 

His breaking point was approaching faster than intended, especially with a new player added into the equation: 'OJ'. 

...

"They're (H/N)." 

"What?" Kenma looked up and gave his friend a confused look, already irritated enough at how packed the train was. 

"They're (H/N)." 

"There's plenty of students who're that height." 

"It's a start!" 

"And it'll end there," Kenma looked back down at his PSP. 

Following the silence that overcame the pair, poor Kuroo eventually came to the conclusion that he fell in love with an orange-fanatic. 

He drew up theories that it was because 'OJ' found him when he was most vulnerable; it was almost as if 'OJ' was some type of psychic that knew exactly what he needed and when he needed it. He also guessed that it was their originality and their uniqueness in their letters that never pressured him to start a relationship or even return the feelings. Kuroo found comfort in knowing someone was rooting for him from afar without ulterior motives—someone that only wanted to see him win in life.

Of course 'OJ' made suggestions towards loving the boy, but he didn't mind, reason being it further sweetened the gifts. He had a little intuitive admirer who truly knew what to say and when to say it. Their words were so faultless and resonating it almost intimidated him, though he knew better than to take it as anything more than a distanced companion who only wanted him to run a victory lap at the end of the day. 

"Apparently there's a fair happening here on Thursday and Friday," Kenma mumbled, passing on the news he heard. 

"I hope you know I'm gonna drag you to it." 

"I already knew you would," Kenma groaned. 

"Why don't you ask 'OJ' to meet you there?" 

"There's no way for me to even communicate with 'OJ'. They just send stuff to me and I can't really send anything back," Kuroo stated, eyes drooping at the fact that his admirer was damn near impossible to access. 

After finalizing the remaining distance to Nekoma, Kuroo excitedly opened his locker and was met with another round of presents, coming to realize he was far more enraptured to read the letter than to indulge in the cute edibles she made sure to always include. They consisted of a glass bottle of orange soda, a clementine, and a baggie filled with orange macaroons. 

DEAR KUROO-SAN,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND OUT   
WHO I AM, LOL. AT LEAST NOT   
YET. I THINK YOU STILL NEED   
YOUR SPACE, PLUS I'LL DIE OF  
EMBARRASSMENT. I HAD A SENSE   
YOU WERE INDULGING IN THOSE   
THOUGHTS AGAIN LAST NIGHT,  
SO I PREPARED SOME MACAROONS.  
HALF ARE ORANGE-FLAVORED AND   
THE OTHER HALF ARE VANILLA   
WITH ORANGE DYE. EAT SOMETHING   
SWEET TO BOOST SEROTONIN LEVELS!  
ANYWAY, DID YOU KNOW THAT  
CLEMENTINES ARE ALSO WIDELY   
KNOWN AS 'CUTIES' IN THE U.S.A.?   
WELL, I THINK YOU'RE CUTE, SO I   
GOT YOU ONE! CHEESY, I KNOW,   
BUT YOU'RE A VERY LOVELY PERSON.   
STAY HEALTHY SO WE CAN MEET IN   
PERSON ONE DAY, OKAY? 

— LOVE, OJ

After finishing the heart-throbbing letter, a spark ignited in Kuroo's head that made him feel stupid for not thinking of the idea in the first place. Before the bell could ring for class, he clumsily rushed to grab a pen and a piece of paper from his backpack, scribbling, hopefully coherent, sentences; they unveiled thoughts and emotions that's been fleeting past his mind like rush hour in downtown Tokyo ever since 'OJ' appeared in his life. 

"You dumbass..." he mumbled to himself, knowing this was a sure way to get a message back to 'OJ' without attempting another wild goose chase. 

...

"Bitch, sit on my face, I attack that!" (Y/N) sung to herself, skipping in the hallways whilst taking her sweet time in returning to class from the bathrooms. Well, she didn't go to the bathroom in the first place, she snuck out for a quick treat from the vending machine and to retrieve her macaroons from her locker. She refused to wait until lunch time to indulge in the treat she very nearly fucked up if it weren't for her older sister. 

"Please, for the love of God, stick to making jello," her sister would tell her every time she tried to concoct a goodie for Kuroo. 

"Choose up, lil' junt, I'm finna pack him!" (Y/N) continued the lyrics, putting up her fists and pretending she was in a fist fight. 

"When it comes to my bitch, I'm straight act—"

(Y/N) suddenly jerked forward at the sensation of a finger tapping her shoulder, involuntarily obtaining a flush over the tips of her ears. 

"Oh, hey, Kenma," she waved to him.

"Did you do the homework?" he asked, rubbing the dark circles under his eyes due to staying up all night with no productivity in his schoolwork.

"We had homework?" 

"...I should've known. I'm sure my grade will hold up," Kenma sighed, taking a small look at the baggie in her hands before a light bulb flickered in his head. 

He had to do a double take before recognizing the treats in her baggie as the same ones Kuroo received earlier that morning, pondering if he'd found out 'OJs' identity already. 

"Where'd you get those?" he asked, eyeing the orange-colored macaroons. 

(Y/N)'s face lifted in bewilderment after registering the fact that she was one inch away from having her pseudo discovered, so she hid the baggie in her skirt pocket and rushed to lie her ass off. Her intuitive gifts allowed her to make up lies on the spot; whether they were believable or not was an entirely different story. 

"My homeroom classmate had a few left over that they baked, so I asked for some," she fabricated, careful not to even spill the gender of her 'classmate', but he'd probably assume OJ was non-binary, anyway. 

Either way, it worked out for her. 

"I heard they were a pretty good baker. Do you want some?" she asked, praying over and over again to the ancestors above the land that he'd decline the offer, since she wanted the treats to herself. 

(Y/N)'s statement gave every indication of being believable enough to Kenma, so he declined the cookie offer and walked ahead of her, not necessarily caring anymore since he couldn't find out who 'OJ' genuinely was. He swore he was close in cracking the case since (Y/N) had a similar height of what Kuroo told him, but plenty of people were also that height, so he didn't bother to look into it anymore. After all, he had to find a way to complete the homework assignment before his second class started. 

(Y/N) let out a shaky breath of air and held onto her knees, gawking at the polished floor in absolute distress. 

"God...those two stress me the fuck out!" she whispered to herself, being reminded of the day before when she was chased down like a dog who slipped out of its leash. 

Her back was attacked with shivers and spikes at the thought of the chase. Was he mad at OJ? Did he want OJ to stop giving him gifts? Did he find it creepy? 

Questions passed through (Y/N)'s head that she knew wouldn't get answered until she had the balls to visit him in person. The girl felt a little pathetic at her meek decisions, but she put those thoughts aside and slid the doors of her homeroom open, finding her seat once again. 

'Does he plan on sending notes back or is this, like, a one-sided thing?' 

(Y/N) was sorely mistaken in thinking that she wouldn't receive a word back, opening the locker after school to find a note waiting for her. She looked at it curiously to see if it was hers, but she could tell by the messy scribbles that it wasn't her own writing.

The thought of being gifted something in return made her chest burst in a heartwarming bliss, taking the small clementine and can of Orange Crush soda that Kuroo offered to her. 

She quickly stuffed her own gifts and letter in the locker and jogged off in the distance, excited to see what Kuroo had to say to 'OJ'. Nervousness and ecstasy rippled through her body like a rock thrown in a lake, only getting stronger the closer she reached her home. 

This note would make or break their relationship, and (Y/N) couldn't decide whether she was ready for his response or not. 

She just had to take a leap of faith. 

That's what she was best at, after all. 

DEAR OJ,

I CAN'T BEGIN TO THANK YOU  
FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE BOTH  
GIVEN AND TOLD ME. YOU TRULY  
GIVE ME THE COURAGE TO LIVE  
AND I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.   
I APPRECIATE THE DISTANCE YOU'VE  
BEEN KEEPING BETWEEN US. YOU   
SEEM TO ALWAYS KNOW THE RIGHT   
THINGS TO SAY. I REALLY DO WANT   
TO SEE YOU ONE DAY, THO. I HOPE   
YOU'LL FIND THE COURAGE TO   
APPROACH ME SOON. OR MAYBE  
I'LL FIGURE OUT UR IDENTITY BY  
THEN. MAY THE BEST PLAYER WIN ⍢

— UR CRUSH SODA ♥

It seems 'OJ' would be found out sooner than expected. 

"AND I WON'T LET IT OUT  
UNTIL YOU LET ME KNOW  
IF YOU LOVE IT. AYY, BABY,  
I'MA TAKE IT LOW."

— JEREMIH. | NIGHT JOB


	4. TANGERINE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very graphic depictions of depression and suicide!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes I’ve made!

"RUN FROM THE LIGHTS.  
RUN FROM THE NIGHT.  
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.   
I'M NEW IN THE CITY."

— KANYE WEST. | LOST IN THE WORLD

___________________________

The pair continued to reciprocate notes for a handful of days, building a somewhat consistent routine between exchanging and receiving. (Y/N) was godawful at maintaining routines, but she strived for this to be the only consistent thing in her life since everything else seemed to be so unmanageable. Kuroo faithfully left his locker unlocked to retrieve and remit notes; it became commonplace for him to send notes in the morning, while 'OJ' sent notes in both the morning and the evening. 

At the conclusion of each letter, Kuroo, A.K.A. Crush Soda, bluffed that he was getting closer and closer to finding out 'OJ's' true identity in hopes of 'OJ' accidentally confessing a couple of facts about themselves. (Y/N) was a tough cookie to crack, however, and held up the facade perfectly to the point Kuroo was becoming a little frustrated and deprived. 

In every note, he jokingly asked to meet up with 'OJ', and 'OJ', without question, dodged the matter entirely too gracefully. Kuroo eventually became suspicious of 'OJ's' true intentions and identity, which caused the slow, but surely, down-spiral of the boy's mental over the past few days. It seemed as if the shadow man was on crunch-time, whispering prophecies and scenarios in his head that slowly became more and more sensible the longer he listened. Why was it so determined to make his life hell? 

Even with the sweet, endearing notes that continued to be exchanged back and forth, a nagging voice at the rear of his head hypnotized the boy into thinking the world was out to get him. The indistinguishable anxiety that stood present in his childhood returned, but for blood this time around. Shivers of pain and uneasiness oozed through his body, bringing forth the unpleasant sensation he tried his best to shoo away by refusing to permit solitary. 

However, it seemed as if the shadow man deliberately dragged away every figure in Kuroo's life so it could access his concealed cowardice, hidden by layers of feigned self-assurance. The boy couldn't get a break, for everyone he hung out with had plans and left him to do his own thing. He pleaded for the confidence to come forward about his problems, but the fear of rejection and others taking advantage of his vulnerability held him back. He had no desire to encircle himself with people that'd never apprehend his feelings, so he distanced himself from the world. 

Having said that, for the past three weeks, he's been storming back and forth between desiring isolation or desiring communion. At school, all he wanted was isolation or else he felt like he'd collapse of combustion. At home, he wished with all of his heart somebody was there to accompany him whenever the shadow man visited the edge of his bed. 

The sensations shifted in such a detrimental manner that he even started seeing the shadow man in places he wouldn't before, such as school. Not even the bustling hallways of Nekoma High could distract Kuroo from the approaching typhoon that promised him the prophecies from his childhood were going to be made true. 

It's been two days since he heard from 'OJ'. 

The boy had no clue how much 'OJ' truly soothed his mental and distracted him from the demons behind his shoulder. He was ashamed to admit it, but 'OJ' was his remedy for the whirlwind of calamitous emotions gushing through his bloodstream. He despised the fact that he couldn't rely on himself for mental support; he despised the fact that he found comfort in an entity he wasn't entirely sure existed anymore. 

Was 'OJ' even a real person, or was that also the figment of his imagination? Did his mental forge 'OJ' as a last resort to save him from his too soon forecast of deathless gloom being fulfilled? Even if 'OJ' did love him like they said they did, did they really? Or did they have underlying intentions that he couldn't seem to detect? 

Was 'OJ' truly rooting for him? 

The anonymous sender always knew when to send the gifts and what to say in each letter that pertained to whatever he struggled with. It was as if 'OJ' lived inside of his head, telling him the things he wants to hear and then parading as something more than the figment of his imagination. He tried to shake those beliefs away; he sought to keep believing in the sender until they found the courage to reveal themselves. 

Regardless of how, after his latest letter to 'OJ', the idea became far less moronic and more credible. 

He asked to meet 'OJ', no jokes or games involved. He wrote out the deepest feelings he's been enduring for the past few weeks, including statements about the monster that lived under his bed. At first, he was embarrassed to give 'OJ' the letter because he wasn't accustomed to displaying so much of himself. 

And, after two days of not receiving a response, his psyche collapsed almost entirely. The boy couldn't remember the last time he ate, nor the last time he caught sleep, for the shadow man at the edge of the bed became even more identifiable each night he went without a response. 

And then, an unforeseen thought came to the forefront of his head. 

What if 'OJ' is you? 

What if 'OJ' was you simply writing letters to yourself and giving yourself gifts, then you convinced yourself that once you opened your locker, it was a secret admirer from afar? 

What if 'OJ' was just a piece of your mental you hid away from your rational brain so that you could pretend as if somebody gave a damn about you? 

It's suspicious, isn't it? That 'OJ' knows close to everything there is about you, even the demons that lurked over your shoulder? Why hasn't 'OJ' responded after you asked to see them in person? 

Maybe, you already know 'OJ'?   
Maybe, you know more about 'OJ' than you think?   
Maybe, you—

"Stop, damnit!!" 

Kuroo gripped onto the black strands of his hair, sliding down the concrete wall and onto the polished floors of an abandoned hallway. Orange rays flashed through the wide school windows as they assaulted him with the thought of 'OJ' not being a real person, just a separate personality he hid from the rest of his rational brain. The entire building was quiet and the only thing you could discern was the heavy, sorrowful gasps of air leaving Kuroo's lungs. 

To him, it was clear 'OJ' didn't want to see him. 

"RUN FROM THE LIGHTS."

The shadow man took this as a chance to whisper the same things it always whispered, though, to Kuroo, the whispers felt more like a howl of command than anything soothing. He was trained better to listen to commands than simple whispers, so he opened his ears and his heart as a last resort that he'll find a solution for his seemingly never-ending torment. 

"RUN FROM THE NIGHT."

A certain word—a certain phrase caught his attention the most. 

"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE."

Previously, he would whimper and shy away at the thought of it, but, now, he was hypnotized into believing it was a sure solution for all of his problems. They'd disappear into the air like smoke rising from the ashes of a freshly burned body, returning to the realm of inextinguishable death. 

What was waiting for him in that 'never-ending existence' the shadow man prophesied to a young, vulnerable boy? Why did so many people seek after this realm? What was so great about this realm that it welcomed thousands of teens per year like clockwork? 

How many more did the shadow man plan to take before it's insatiable appetence was quenched? 

Kuroo would never find out, for as soon as he unblocked his view from the darkness of his eyelids, he was met with a luminescent orange view, shining rays upon a small, unrecognizable black object that laid in front of his lap. His knees pecked against his chin as he reached forward, obeying the commands of the shadow man that stood tall and proud beside Kuroo's ruined, tainted body. 

"I'M LOST IN THE WORLD."

Fiddling with the black object, Kuroo pressed down on an enticing button, surprising himself when he was blinded by the glint reflecting off a silver limb connected to the black handle. He had to closely survey the blade, swearing he heard the words, "use me," being uttered right next to his ear. The shadow man grinned whilst looking down on the vulnerable, weak boy, complete bloodlust radiating off of its existence like a furnace that heated and riled up any figures unfortunate enough to catch its attention. 

"BEEN DOWN MY WHOLE LIFE."

The poor boy was simply just the next on its hit list. 

Kuroo held up the switchblade to his alluring throat with both hands gripping the handle for dear life. It seems as if his physical body knew what was about to happen, so it shook and trembled with all of its might in order to delay the permanent decision he was about to make. 

Thoughts about 'OJ' filled his head, stating they would be devastated to find the dead body of their distant lover if he were to surrender to the shadow man. Kuroo shook his head and placed his knees closer to his chest, gripping onto the switchblade harder, if that was even possible. 

"They aren't real! 'OJ' isn't real, just a stupid entity I made up to believe someone gave a damn about me!" he shouted, watching the orange beams obscure everything in sight due to the sun descending in all of its mighty glory. 

He wanted to go out just like the sun did—in a beautiful burst of orange and red smeared onto a canvas in random blobs, feeling a sensitivity he's never touched into. A sensitivity he was missing out on. A sensitivity he wanted a bigger taste of. 

"I'M NEW IN THE CITY."

The entire scenery reminded him of 'OJ', the entity that allowed him to stay alive for as long as he did. 

He would forever be grateful to 'OJ', both in life and in death, for giving him those moments of heartthrobs and butterflies in his last days. 

"AND I'M DOWN FOR THE NIGHT."

He wanted to see what this 'never-ending existence' would do for him. 

"DOWN FOR THE NIGHT."

Would his suffering truly end, or would it just begin?

Kuroo would never get the chance to know what it was like, though, for the racketing clank of metal colliding with dusty, ceramic flooring rushed to his ears. The familiar sensation of his cheek being met with a harsh palm alerted his nervous system that he was no longer alone, and now he had to answer for his crimes against his own humanity. 

His trembling eyes looked up to meet the angry, teary eyed face of a girl he caught sight of a couple of times around the school. She had puffy, curly hair that engulfed a (small/medium/large) space around her head, (tanned/brown/dark) skin, and a killer gaze in her eyes that downed on the boy. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" she wailed, grabbing the collar of his shirt and lifting him off the floor, causing him to stumble on his quivering legs. 

His lips opened to respond, but he couldn't get a coherent sentence to leave his mouth, let alone a word. 

"Who the fuck do you think you are, making decisions like that?!" she continued, igniting a flame of life in her eyes that, somehow, extinguished the flames of death in Kuroo's eyes. 

"Do you know how many fucking people love yo' ass?! How many lives you'll devastate if I wasn't here?! Why do you think you get to decide whether this world is worth living? We're all enduring this fucking hell, so you don't have a say in choosing the way you'll go out!!" 

The barely recognizable girl gripped onto his uniform even tighter, damn near ripping the entire collar off. 

Kuroo's eyes widened at not only the harshness of her words, but the realness attached to it. He could feel the thumping in his heart increase in both volume and speed, letting her words sink in his brain. 

He looked to his side and saw that the shadow man was no longer standing there, and only a faint smog of black smoke was left where it was previously located. 

He returned his attention towards the girl as his eyes watered, trying to keep his trembling lip from being noticed. He didn't want to cry in front of other people, especially strangers, but the sensation he was feeling at this moment was like no other. 

The boy was saved. 

"I know it's tough, I know hope seems lost, but, fuck, every single one of us feels the same way!! We hide it, we cover it up, we even forge a facade to prevent others from looking in, but we're still here. We're still alive, because there's so many things in this world we haven't seen or felt yet! I'll be damned if I let you die before you can experience the true gifts of life!" she shook the boy back and forth, attempting to push her words deeper inside his brain so he could get it the fuck together. 

Kuroo seized the girl's wrist, prompting her to ease her manhandling and soften her gaze. She couldn't stand the tears that cascading down his red, pale cheeks, so she brought her other hand up to swipe the tears off, shaded a bloody orange color thanks to the depleting sunlight. 

The entire scenery endowed a strong, and almost nauseous, sense of deja vú as the orange luminosity flooded her vision. 

(Y/N) looked to the side briefly and shot the crowd of black dust a gaze that promised the end of their never-ending existence. It wasn't long before the same black dust disintegrated completely, freeing Kuroo of the chains wrapped around both his heart and his mind. 

"Thank you..." he mumbled, reaching his fists to wipe the remaining salty drops in his eyes, not expecting another savior to show up at his door and save his life. 

The girl's eyes softened further, like a cushion providing a sense of comfortability after a long day of battling the evil in this world. She tenderly caressed his cheek one last time before removing her hand from his face. Kuroo was entirely too flustered to meet her eyes, so she settled for him contemplating at the top of her head instead.

"Of course. Now, c'mon, you look like you need a hug," (Y/N) offered, embracing the boy in a tight, loving hug that'd you'd only receive from either a mother or a lover you haven't heard from in forever. 

She nuzzled his back and rubbed circles in places she detected rigidity, soothing out Kuroo's nerves and doubts in his mind. He melted into the touch as if he were vanilla pudding, not realizing how starved and deprived of affection he was. Her embrace held a warmth like no other that he hasn't felt since his childhood, taking him back to before he was promised absolute death by a demonic figure in his living room. It took him back to before he moved, finding 100 percent comfort and coziness in the environment around him. 

He didn't feel out of place for a change. 

And he couldn't thank her enough for it. 

The orange lights fleeted into the distance and the pair was met with a dark blue sky, displaying stars that seemed to shine brighter tonight than any other night. (Y/N), reluctantly, pulled away from the lengthy embrace and smiled, grabbing Kuroo's wrist.

"Better days are coming, you just need to be alive to experience them." 

"CAN YOU LOVE ME FOR POOR?  
I'M SEARCHING FOR MY SOUL.  
WHOEVER TURNED YOU COLD,  
YOU NEED TO LET THEM KNOW,  
I CAN WORK MIRACLES."

— FUTURE. | LOVEEEEEEE SONG


	5. PASSIONFRUIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes made!

"I HAD NO WHERE TO GO,  
SHE GAVE ME A PLACE TO   
STAY. SHE GAVE ME HER   
HEART TO HOLD. I STILL GOT   
THAT SHIT TO THIS DAY."

— J. COLE. | SACRIFICES

_________________________

DEAR KUROO-SAN,

I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT GIVING  
YOU A RESPONSE FOR A WHILE.   
I HAD TO CONTEMPLATE A FEW  
THINGS AND I WAS NERVOUS  
ABOUT MEETING YOU. I DIDN'T  
KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO DO,  
BUT YOU DON'T DESERVE   
INDECISIVENESS. NO, YOU  
DESERVE MUCH MORE THAN THAT.  
PLEASE MEET ME TODAY ON THE  
ROOFTOP AFTER SCHOOL. I CAN'T   
CONTROL HOW YOU'LL SEE ME,   
BUT I CAN AT LEAST CONTROL   
THE SETTING. I ENJOYED OUR  
CONVERSATIONS AND I HOPE   
THAT AFTER THIS, WE'LL SPEND   
SOME MORE TIME TOGETHER.   
EVEN IF YOU DECIDE YOU WANT   
NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, AS LONG   
AS YOU'RE HEALTHY AND LIVING,  
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS TO ME. 

— LOVE, OJ

He wanted everything to do with the anonymous sender. Infact, the timeframe for Kuroo to go back and deny his feelings for the mysterious entity was long-overdue, and ever since he received that note on a beautiful, clear sky Friday, he's been nothing but giddy and skittish for the time when classes came to an end. Kuroo felt alive; he woke up the next day with a palette taking on brighter colors of the world, striking wider ranges of hues than the past few weeks. He watched as his world shifted from that dull, lifeless tint to a brazen collection of contrast, reviving his mind, body, and soul so he could properly live life. A more radiant version of his old self glimmered through the cracks of the concrete wall he forged, and by morning, it was smashed to bits, just like the shadow man's hopes for dragging another teenager down the hole of infinite darkness.

Even the team noticed the sudden change in Kuroo's attitude, especially after what happened last night. Nobody but Kuroo and the stranger would come to know of what went down in that hallway, but the team could clearly tell something was lifted off of his shoulders—something wasn't looming over him like an intimidating parking lot streetlight at night.

Kenma was the first to detect it since he's compelled to frequently be in close range of his friend. He was relieved, though, that he didn't have to tolerate Kuroo's selfish bursts any longer and he could entertain his online tournaments in peace. Kenma had guessed that 'OJ' revealed themselves to the captain, thus now he was inquisitive on the identity of the anonymous sender. 

(Y/N), on the other hand, woke up at exactly 4:00 AM to have her hair perfected by a braider from across the street. She fancied to strike Kuroo as an enticing student who had her life together, and the braider could tell all throughout their session that (Y/N) was anxious about an upcoming event. At this moment in time, she rubbed her scalp with whimpers of agony at the sensation of strong hands tugging against her hair like it was a chicken head for an Orisha sacrifice. 

"I gotta start braiding my own hair..." she sulked, walking to her next class with not only pain in her scalp, but stress in her heart. 

She spared an effort to script how she hoped for the confession to proceed, but it repeatedly concluded in her being dumped and left for dead thanks to her feral imagination. It wasn't everyday you'd see the curly haired girl try and plan something; she got to where she is from winging everything in life, down to trashing her alarm clock and opting to wake herself up due to the horrid noises she vegetated an aversion to. 

Before the pair knew it, the blue sky started to fluctuate in color and signal that their fated meeting was approaching with haste. (Y/N)'s legs quivered as soon as she entered her last class, holding a plastic bag of fruit she envisaged to offer the boy. Kuroo, much contrary to (Y/N), was rupturing with excitement to the point the teacher had to call him out from distracting the class. 

His mind drifted back to last night, eternally grateful for the girl that rescued him from certain death. Incomparable was the only way to describe the sleep he was granted, waking up the most refreshed he's ever been in the past few weeks. He set out a one-man search team around the school and swore he almost came into possession of her, however, she seized a corner and suddenly disappeared into thin air. It was as if she was never there in the first place. 

Kuroo was on the hunt for two deities he still had doubts about being tangible. To arrive at the right moment every single time he conspired a detrimental thought was a superpower, in his eyes, that he couldn't convince himself was anything more than a pretense. After all, he held possession of no real names to go off of when referring to the two. 

The boy truly wanted to thank both deities, but, for now, he would have to settle with just one. 

A loud clamor sung throughout the entire school, gaining the attention of every student and lifting their grim faces into expressions of joy. They all excitedly packed up their backpacks without delay, chattering up the hallways in joy regarding the highly anticipated yearly fair. Kuroo pushed past all of those students, including the schoolgirls who embarked on gifting him homemade delicacies and confessing their undying love. 

He couldn't even muster up the same amount of butterflies that 'OJ' gave him, let alone a particle of a butterfly. Kuroo's heart filled to the brim with completeness every time his imagination shifted its perspective to the anonymous lover, realizing that no other girl in the school could make him feel the same way. He couldn't care or less about the gender of the sender. The moment he allowed his heart to choose a partner for him, he knew the possible outcomes that would draw nigh from not looking at physical bodies.

Kuroo only wanted to feel this sweetness again, and whether he had to be dicked down to feel it again didn't matter to him, he just wanted to feel like a whole. 

And, that whole was non-existent without 'OJ' in the equation. 

Kuroo ascended the stairs, comparable to a soul that discovered its way and was approaching its final end goal—like a virtuous spirit reaching the heavens above. Each step he completed acted as an added 'thump' to his already speedy heartbeat. By the time he reached the last flight of stairs, the mixture of harsh thumps and feral butterflies toppling his physical body made him feel like he was close to a cardiac arrest. His stomach drew out an awful noise that if anyone were to be standing next to him, they'd run for their lives in fear of what kind of monster growled in their ears. Either that, or they were afraid of the monstrous gases that could leak from the boy. 

It was embarrassing, really, crumbling under the pressure of feasible rejection. He had to convince himself that 'OJ' was completely infatuated with him, or else the close-to-scary accurate letters wouldn't have any sort of practicality. His anxiety, which obviously couldn't leave over night, wouldn't allow him to have clear thoughts of a happy ending. Thus, with his psyche thrown in absolute chaos, the only thing he could do was wonder,

"'OJ' are you feeling the same way I am?" 

He would find out if he'd just push the rooftop door open. All it took was a simple thrust at the door and he'd have every question of his paired with an answer. If his hands were too shaky from the tyrant butterflies that sought a coup d'état in his stomach, then all he had to do was utilize his foot, or even his shoulder. 

So, why did he continue to stand outside of an easy accessible door, palms hovering over the handle? He looked stupid and indecisive as hell, acknowledging that if any other person was within distance, he'd be the recipient of a nasty case of side eyes. 

'OJ' was standing right across from him. The only device that acted as an obstacle was a traversable block of metal, protruding a very obvious solution for his problems. 

He stared at the shiny door handle, watching the distorted reflection of himself and the frown on his face that, shockingly, turned his anxious expression into a dazzling smile. Kuroo's mouth fell open at the distortion, sensing that the butterflies had postponed their coup d'état in favor of his newfound confidence. He, at last, retained the ability to push past his dubiety and prod his way into the unprecedented future, not knowing how it'll carry out, but, nonetheless, putting his hope and trust into what stood before him. 

He believed 'OJ' had the ability to reinstate the light in his eyes, for 'OJ' had already fought off every perpetrator of the darkness in his soul. 

Kuroo tugged on the handle with a vigorous motive, shortly being met with the blinding orange rays of the descending sun, showing off its glorified beauty at its fullest before sleeping in preparation for the next day. The rays were so abundant in luster and warmth that he was forced to cover his eyes until they adjusted, directing his pupils towards a silhouette that stood with its arms behind its back, staring at the orange sky in a daze. 

It hasn't even been 5 seconds before the figure, known as 'OJ', spoke up. 

"Stop doubting yourself." 

If Kuroo's heart could thump any harder, it just did. 

"H-huh?" 

"I sensed the doubt from you while you took 10 minutes to open the door," the figure turned around, offering the nervous-wreck of a captain a cheeky smile.

She continued to hold her hands behind her back, looking into the adoring eyes of the person she drew both to her and away from his shadows, just as she planned from the start. (Y/N) couldn't see a demon in sight when looking at the boy; she only made out an aura of tenderness and vulnerability, promising to the clouds above that she'd never take advantage of what stood in front of her.

"We have a lot of work to do, but I know that anxiety will be gone before you know it! Let's call it...a bit of deep cleaning after the shadow man had their fun," (Y/N) took multiple strides forward until she was met with the broad chest of Kuroo. 

He was still, unable to form a coherent sentence that'd actually make sense. The things he wanted to get off his chest consisted of entirely too many when listed, so he could only gulp while looking (down/across/up) at the girl who possessed the smile of a thousand lovers. 

"I...I wanted to do something different today, since this is kinda special. I'm a fanatic for references and symbolism, so I got you this passionfruit!" (Y/N) held up the passionfruit that was cut in half, placing the baggie in Kuroo's hold while she continued her speech as if it were scripted. 

"The name's (Y/N), by the way. Wait, no, that's my name. I have no idea what the name of this fruit is since I only specialize in oranges, but I think it really symbolizes our little 'relationship'! Y'know, starting a new, reviving a soul, passion flowing between—ugh, fuck it." 

(Y/N) mentally tossed the script she tried to follow and embraced Kuroo in a tight hug, perfectly conveying everything she sought to express. Oddly enough, he seemed to understand every bit of what she wanted to communicate, returning the tight embrace with his own powerful but unguarded squeeze; he put everything on display despite the risk of her using every piece of vulnerability to betray him. 

He knew better, though, than to doubt or mistrust a love that sat upright in front of him like a billboard in the middle of a passionless desert. He knew better than to push this love away, coming to the conclusion he'll never feel like this again if he so much as loosened his grip. 

"Damn it, Kuroo-san! I almost fucking lost you!" (Y/N) gripped onto his black vest, soiling Kuroo's uniform with salty bubbles of anguish. 

He paused in time with a sense of consciousness overcoming his nervous system. The boy's own voice got caught in his throat, unable to do anything but soothe the girl with finger-tracing circles on her back, just as she did him the day before. Kuroo couldn't wrap his head around the fact that it was 'OJ', really, (Y/N), who found him at his lowest and put an end to the shadow man's whispers. He was worried that, now, she had to clean up the mess it left behind and would disappear from his life if he was unable to overcome his trauma. 

Be that as it may, she was constantly proving him wrong. 

"You got too many damn people in this world that wanna see you win! Shit, even if every living body in this entire world was watching for your downfall, I would sure as fuck be the one person rooting for you! I know I'm not pretty and pale like every other girl who's submissively pledged you their adoration, nor am I pink and cute in certain places of both my body and soul, but..."

"If you ain't got nobody else, you got me! So..."

(Y/N) hauled her teary face away from Kuroo's chest, adorning a hopeful smile holding truths and prophecies for the future that Kuroo desired to fulfill. Compared to the sinister smile that formerly promised him parallel prophecies, he knew to take a leap of faith with the augury he was presented with at this moment.

"Live with me! Exist in this realm with me! Let's experience this asshole of a world together. We can take this shithole on as long as we have each other. And I don't care how many pieces of glass I have to pick up, even down to the fucking atom, I will put you back together! I'll take care of you!" she declared, threatening to rip the vest just as she did the night before. 

Kuroo and (Y/N) were speechless following the soulful attack on the captain's heart, allowing the words to sink in like couples collapsing on a foam mattress after returning home from jousting the evils of the world. Her words acted as a declaration of war against the demons and shadows that ruled this realm, promising to not succumb to whatever hell-on-earth it sought to escalate, as long as the boy she tugged on stood right beside her throughout the entire crusade. A confession of unveiling and risking trust sunk into not only Kuroo's chest, but the shadows that planned to come back for its failed product. 

She was so courageous in pledging the fall of the shadows that threatened his well-being, despite Kuroo failing to speak up once. He couldn't help the anxiousness that flooded his body when the atmosphere was met with silence—even the cracks and crevices in which the shadows hid knew not to interfere. Kuroo knew this was his part, nobody else was meant to speak. 

This was his part. 

Nobody else's. 

Kuroo, very briefly, realized his vocal cords weren't going to cooperate with his brain anytime soon, so the coup-insinuating butterflies continued its uproar of unheard and unacknowledged emotions until it successfully dethroned the previous leader and took matters upon themselves. They were tired; they had enough of its previous ruler who refused to give an ear to their wishes and respond to their aspirations. Now, with every bit of jurisdiction over the throne, they schemed for their ambitions to be seen in its brimming eminence. 

What did they demand to be heard? What did they desire to be acknowledged? What did their wishes, aspirations, and ambitions consist of? What, in this world, gave those butterflies enough willpower to overcome the abusive system of self-deprecating anxiety? 

It was the taste of a sweet, acidic fruit on flushed, pinkish-brown lips, mixing to create a sensitivity too magical to be considered anything more than a dream. Just as (Y/N) envisioned a mere few weeks ago, the flavor that bursted in her mouth took her to the heavens above as she, at last, came to the conclusion:  
He tasted just like oranges. 

"IF YOU LOVE ME,  
HERE'S WHAT I'LL DO.  
I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU."

[FIN.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Please be on the lookout for more Haikyuu stories and follow me on Wattpad to see previews/early chapter releases of my stories! My account is @thesstarboy


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